One of my
past posts I examined my life at the time asking if I was truly happy and the
answer was, I wasn’t. I said I would re-examine my life and come back to this
and that time is now. Readers luckily for you (and me) I think I’m truly happy
right now. Of course I know that this will change for a short while sometime in
the future because one cannot simply be happy all the time. There are too many
hardships in life to go throughout life not being sad or upset, but for right
now I will cherish this feeling and this moment and live life to the fullest. I
have amazing friends in both Alabama and California and while I am excited to
spend the whole summer with my friends in California, I am deeply upset that I
will go three months without seeing my Alabama friends. Hopefully there will be
a visit in during the summer that will hold me over until August.
I am also truly happy with my choices in college. I’m finally
starting to get back into the old routine of harder classes, stress, and
starting to get involved and shape the campus the way I think it needs to be. I
was recently admitted into the honors college and applied to be on the Academic
Honor Council. I was also inducted into the honor society Phi Eta Sigma and am
looking forward to getting very involved with them. I feel like the shock of
being in college is over and a routine is setting in which, as most of you
know, is how I live my life. I love my routine and I was missing the old
Kathryn that I had developed in high school. Yes college has changed me and I’m
finally figuring out who I am and what I want (at least I think I am) but I was
missing something in my life. I have lots of friends at Alabama and making new
ones all the time so that aspect hadn’t changed, but I was sailing through
college with no challenges. I need challenges in order to grow as a person and
to keep me busy. In my academic life and social life I am indeed the happiest I
could be right now.
When I last wrote on happiness it was mostly about a guy I
was dating. It wasn’t that he treated me bad, but I needed and deserved better.
Unfortunately finding someone who is perfect for you takes a lot of trial and
error I have learned and well I have definitely experienced that, maybe too
much. I mean yes I’m 19, I’m not looking for my soul mate right now but having
someone to call mine would be nice. I’m ready to be serious. My mom keeps
telling me that college is all about just dating and having fun, except I feel
I have done my fair share already. My heart has been hurt, not broken, too many
times and I don’t like just dating. Being in a relationship for 3 ½ years and
then dating a number of guys so far has taught me that while it is fun in the
beginning to just date, I want something that will be long term. I need someone
who is not going to give up when things give up, someone who will be there
constantly for me. That doesn’t happen when you’re just dating a lot of guys. I
want to be able to form a bond with someone that is so strong nothing can break
it, which is what I had with my last boyfriend. This took time and guys in
college don’t want to put in the time it seems like. The guys I have dated have
gotten better and better each time and have taught me a lot about what I want
and need in a relationship which, while some of these hurt a lot, was needed in
order for me to grow as a person and grow up. Right now I have found someone
that I think can fulfill everything I need and more, but it is still early.
Honestly, I am scared out of my mind because letting someone else in can mean
hurt yet again, or it can turn into something wonderful. I haven’t told really
anyone but him my true feelings and I haven’t told my friends much about him. I
want to keep him my little secret and let this grow. I feel that is where I
messed up in the past; too many people knew too many details. A relationship is
something that not everyone needs to know about and I think by keeping this one
somewhat quiet (not really know since everyone can read this) it can last and
turn into something great. Don’t worry, I will keep y’all informed as much as I
feel necessary, but he truly makes me happy. I haven’t been this happy or
excited about a guy since my last boyfriend.
In every aspect of my life I am happy and I hope it stays
like this for a while. My life could not get any better. To everyone out there
that is not as happy as I am in any aspect of life, really sit down and
evaluate your life. That’s what I did and I realized that I could be a lot
happier and I was settling. Never settle and never postpone happiness because
no one wants to wallow in sadness knowing their life could be so much better.
You are in control of your life, so close your eyes and take that leap as I
have many times into the deep water of the unknown because when you come to the
surface you will find happiness. You may need to swim further than you thought,
but just keep swimming up. Everyone deserves to be truly happy.
